Nightmares

So, since I've been up today, all I can think about is this horrific nightmare I had last night. When I awoke, I recounted the details to my boyfriend and had already lost a lot of them. But, I do want to blog about the bulk of it, what I do remember. I know nobody wants to read a dream and that is okay, I'm doing it mostly for me. I just have to write this down. It's bizarre. I don't remember ever feeling pain in a dream before, and definitely not an excruciating pain. I think that is why it strikes me as so odd. I remember being with someone that was sick, it was someone I loved dearly, though I don't recollect it being a familiar face. The person was a close friend or a relative in my dream, though not representative in physical likeness of anyone I know as far as I can tell. I had a heart attack. I don't know how I knew it was a heart attack in my dream, but in my dream it was and I knew it. However, looking back through the lenses of reality, it wasn't very much like what I understand a heart attack to be, but I digress. My chest hurt. Badly. I couldn't breathe and it felt like somebody had knocked the breath out of me and like my chest was going to explode simultaneously. Everything immediately started to waver in a pain-induced dream-like fashion and we called for help (whoever 'we' were, because it seems as though there were more than just this loved one). I staggered out of this room (which seems to have been a shop of sorts, I remember plants being there but who knows) and there was a staircase that basically went up, had a platform of maybe 5 yards and descended again, but when we walked out of the room, shop etc it was no longer in the picture and we were toward the top of the stairs. The paramedics took forever. Literally, forever. I was in agony. Everything felt heavy and hurt. Now is where I can't find all the pieces for a second. I had what seemed to be an out of body experience where I was watching myself (though it wasn't me I was watching) and a man said he was going to open me up and prepare me for surgery so a. I would be more serious and the ambulance would hurry and b. I'd be ready for surgery, and if the paramedics absolutely had to operate, they wouldn't have to waste any more time. I don't remember pain from that period, because I was watching, but the next thing I know - when I was in my own body - having a towel of sorts wrapped around my waist. I looked down and saw no blood or no gaping holes in my chest. Then, a guy who was there who was presumably a friend pointed out a gigantic puddle of deep red blood beneath me. He unwrapped the towel and there was a v-shaped surgically deep cut in my left thigh. Apparently this was where they would go in to do the surgery (who knew!? lol). The paramedics still hadn't come so I either climbed the stairs or had already made it to the top, I don't remember. But they came with a stretcher used strictly for people on stairs and when they got to the top they realized they had to go back and get another stretcher. So they left. After waiting for a long, long time and growing out of breath, we began to descend the stairs. My leg had a stabbing burning pain in it and i was hunched over because I couldn't catch my breath. The ill person who was with me could either help me get to help but die in the process because it was too much for her, or stay and let me possibly die because apparently help wasn't coming back. She helped me down and we went to a restaurant that was nearby. Maybe we were in an airport. Anyway, I tried to ask people if they could help, but I couldn't talk. I was like dying Yoda, straining to get anything out. I asked whomever was with me to ask if there was a doctor there. Nobody. Then we asked if anyone had pain killers. In my dream I thought that'd be a bad idea since I would have surgery soon, but nobody had any to offer anyway. Then, we asked if there was a paramedic, and there was but I don't remember anything after that except I came to randomly my first day back to work where there was a welcome-home-we're-glad-you're-alive party. My loved one had died and I hadn't thought about it too much because crying made me physically hurt. The rest is less important. I came home and my room was gone and a bunch of friends were in from out of town and some of my other friends had joined a band where they dress like a cross between Devo and Skeeter from Doug and like Rolly Derber-ers. Weird. I was so damaged though, mentally and physically that I wasn't very into it.

Anyway, I left out a lot but my point is - I never feel pain in dreams and this was one of the worst pains I'd ever felt. WTF. Crazy.

Ok, I GOT to quit blog hopping. Had to log into blogger earlier today and I need to get all my eggs in one basket. That basket being only one of my blogs. Which means, I gotta get my computer fixed. oh faithful three followers, do not fret, I will kick this one to the curb soonster. obviously my blog header needs to be changed. Desperately. Because I'm madly in love with a boy who tickles my fancy!

Boo.

It's getting bad.

I literally can't move.
I have a cold. Or the flu. Or something. My whole body aches, my eyes burn, my nose burns, my throat is sore, I don't have a voice and I can't move. I literally cannot move. I am so tired. I know that it isn't just being sick. I'm totally and wholly and completely drowning in depression and I think it is stupid.

I just read a recent post on 1000 Awesome Things blog.
It made me cry, but I guess that isn't the worst thing in the world.

I just want a home.

Dupate.

It's not 09 anymore and I seriously need to work on a new blog header. I don't have much to write about. I'm incredibly depressed and my anxiety has peaked to a point that I am almost unable to function in public. Despite all the negative things, and above all the toll it has taken on my body (I am so tired all the time I can barely stand it) ... It's not all bad.
I really have been trying to enforce the power of positive thinking. Well, I tried for about a week.
But here's the thing:
Being homeless has enabled me to lose weight. Not in an ideal fashion, but I'm actually stoked about being a little bit thinner... even a little bit!!
MY SAINTS ARE GOING TO THE MOTHERFUCKING SUPER BOWL!
Are you fucking serious? All I have to do is think that thought and for a moment, I am weightless. It's like... a thought-drug. I honestly can't believe it. Ohhhh Bandwagon Fans, too bad you are not feeling the sweet ecstasy that the true Who Dat Nation is feeling. Man oh man!
Also, my stepmom is in remission, her bone marrow transplant went well, the chemo didn't make her lose her hair this time, and she is living in an apartment in Dallas again instead of at the hospital. Sweeeeet.
Being homeless still sucks, but plasma city is enabling me to drive back and forth from ruston to west monroe.
Did I mention I'm unbearably tired? All the time?
Oh, that wasn't positive. My bad.
But I am.

Heath and I are getting along nicely. To be honest, I miss him. How could I not? I think it's just adding to everything... whatever.
Obi is getting groomed (this week, hopefully) and I get to hang out with him this weekend and I cannot wait! After Thursday morning I will be done (mostly) with my research paper for Dr. Martin (full length rough draft due) and I can relax and watch the super bowl and hang out with my puppy and hopefully have a really great weekend.
Eye doctor on monday which means I'm ordering new glasses yay!
And a haircut is looming in my very very near future. Like, a hair cut. the kind where some big change happens.
When I broke up with Erik I got my septum pierced and dyed my hair platinum blonde. I'm depressed again. I'm lonely (even with my great friends around) ... I figure a little change is just what I need.

I may chicken out though.... So, I guess that's something to wait for in itself.

I need to go to sleep now.
check out 1000awesomethings.com if you haven't already.
I like it.




Ohhhh, and I just finished The Great Gatsby.
And I read a short story called "A Walk to Forever" by Kurt Vonnegut and it inspired an interesting debate between Taylor and I. Someone else should read it so I can hear other opinions. Okee dokee.
Night night.

2009

Every year, at the end of the year, I recap the big points of each month. I haven't done some blog digging to pull out the others, which I should seriously consider putting into an anthology so that I can remind myself where I have been, what I have done, and what I have overcome. I find all of these things incredibly important in understanding who I am and what I'm about, but in the small moments in life, you never really consider that.... you certainly don't constantly ponder it as you go through the motions that are every day. I don't want to say that life is hard... because it is life. It is ultimately the only thing you do and we spend every day trying not to die... for the most part. But in the end, we live and we die. Sometimes it may SEEM like life is hard... but the only time life is truly hard is when you are truly FIGHTING for your life. I've been there, I've done the brink thing. I don't think I'll be doing that again anytime soon. Certainly not if I can help it.
I feel like I should be a better blogger so the memories are not so hard to fish out and everything doesn't run together like I feel that 2009 did. I feel like in 2009, everything sped by and happened and now I sit here trying to remember what was what and I can't. I don't know what is significant, because it is never the thing you expect to impact you the most that does impact you the most.

New Year's Eve post 2007. 10 pm:

We the People
I close the year with yet another fuck-up.
Goodwill after nostalgia after abuse after laugher.
It's so strange.
Not sure what to think of anything.
I feel like I should wade in silence til I know, but no telling when that would be so the silence thing is sure to expire as drunkeness further progresses.

Who watches School House Rock on New Year's Eve.

Genuinely, I don't know what to think.
I'm numb. I see something. I am something else. I feel something irrelevent.
I can't get my eyes from what I see, though.
And the rest numbly follows.

I'm floating through a state of mind.
So tragic, this all is.
Insightful, as well.
Insight is irreplacable.
It's priceless.


Sirens, and the night is young.

All over, tonight is going to be such an awful night for so many people.

You win some, you lose some.
I'm just saying. Noone ever seems to really get that.
Thought I'd mention it.
HAPPY fucking NEW year.

....
well, after sitting here for a while I guess a month by month recap will not be happening.
Basically the year started off with me madly in love. I had an apartment, my awesome cat, clinging to a few good friends for dear life, and I was back in school. The end of 2008 had thrown me some serious speed bumps, but I felt like I could do anything. School was challenging, I had been out for two years and I didn't know how to study anything. Heath and I spent most of the winter at Sundown or watching tv shows at our house. I was still working at Nifty, and getting decent hours. In February things went south with someone I cared about very much and I ultimately moved in with Heath. In the process of moving he broke my computer desk and promised me a new one. When we went to buy the new one, he bought the only desk I told him I hated and out of guilt he bought me a toy poodle puppy I named Obi-Wan Kenobe. I can only imagine you guys have heard me mention this little bundle of perfection a time or two (His birthday was Jan 3! Yay!) For a little while a close friend tried to hold ties, but that fell through. At some point in March or April I drove to Dallas to see my most best friend in the history of the world and then surprised my mom in Tulsa as she was getting ready to move into her very own (and very beautiful house!) Mom took me to look at cars while I was in Tulsa, which was exciting and said she would consider getting me one for my 21st birthday. Wow! That anticipation nearly killed me!! School went on and things got boring at home. In May, we received news that my stepmom had leukemia. Sobering and scary, and I didn't really know how to react. I hadn't spent much time at home in a while, because my car had a funny tire I couldn't afford to fix, but it was really crappy. Meanwhile, I've been sending my mom used cars from everywhere on the net in anticipation for my birthday. My stepmom was living in Dallas, and we received word right before my birthday that she was in total remission, which was so exciting! I turned 21 and Heath took me to the casino and I got a daquiri and sushi and then partied super hard at the bar.... For the record, it was the worst hangover of ALL TIME. swear. I flew to Tulsa the next day and got to see my momma's house and my new car sitting under her garage she had bought in May. That was exhilarating! Mom took me to the casino in Tulsa and I had a great week. I drove to Dallas from there and hung out with my BFF and got to see my stepmom, who was now living in an apartment in Dallas. Throughout the summer, Casey and I got closer and we had lots of adventures (never TOO crazy!) ... My stepmom had a bone marrow transplant and eventually got to come home after Mimi and Poppy did some major construction on the house, which was a total surprise to her! As the year went on, my stepmom was able to move home with weekly and then biweekly visits to Baylor, and my mom started dating her high school sweetheart, who eventually moved up to Oklahoma with her. He seems great and she seems happy, so that's all I could ask for. In July, I mourned a year without my grandfather. Fall quarter served me a tasty tray of Literary Theory and Criticism, which is supposedly the most challenging class in the English department, but I enjoyed it immensely, even though it ate every ounce of free time I had and I never got to see the group of friends which was quickly becoming the greatest Ruston family yet! The quarter came to an end and I pulled like 60 hours straight of staying awake, hallucinating, and making three a's and a b, which was my best quarter ever so it was totally worth it! The rest of the year was largely uneventful. Spent more time with my friends, but hours at work suffered considerably. I spent a lot of the summer with my sister and my niece and that was more than a little great! After Thanksgiving break, Casey and I started being scandalous in a fun way and here came Christmas. Heath and I broke up, which really sucked. I am not going to elaborate there, I miss my dog and I miss my cats and I don't have anywhere to live and no money to get a place or even with which to commute from Ruston to West Monroe to couch crash with the parents. Heath and I are still friends and I still think he is great, but it just wasn't working. Not right now. Monday after Christmas my stepmom went for her checkup in Dallas and they told us the cancer is back and now it's more chemo and another transplant looming in the future. I'll end my short and stupid recap with New Years Day which was spent with Kevin, Taylor, Jessica, Chase, Jordan, Casey and we ate a huge feast and watched Pawn Stars all day. It was super fun and I realized then how lucky I am to have such a great group of friends. Ines and I patched things up at the beginning of fall quarter, and largely I have nothing to complain about. Life is rough right now. I'm leeching off of everyone I care about and it really makes me feel like shit. I hate being broke and I would much rather be providing for the people in my life that really deserve than being a total mooch and feeling sad all the time. Good things have happened, not that I'm going to elaborate on here, but there are good going on surrounding me and I am grateful for them. For Christmas mom got me these great dishes I really wanted and I'm very sad I don't have an awesome magenta kitchen to put them in. I have surely left out a lot of things. Friends were married, had babies. My awesome awesome niece turned one. I realized how lucky I am to have parents that I really love and can really talk to, even if my adolescence was more than a little tormented.

I've pulled away from this year learning that nothing lasts forever. When you least expect someone to let you down, they're going to dropkick you faster than you can blink an eye. People will lie, cheat, and cut you down for their own personal gain, or simply to be childish and malicious. These are not the people worth worrying about. Discord is stupid. Music is everything. Friends are everything. So is family. I'm having a hard time dealing with everything right now, mostly with the fact that I am broke and swamped and the depression feels like it is gnawing at me. I know this will pass, it always does and I am dealing with the bad better than I have ever done so in my life. Maybe it is because it is nothing that I am not used to and I have simply learned to expect failure and disappointment. I'd like to think it is because my past experiences have taught me to deal more maturely and maybe I've learned to pepper my thinking with some of that optimism which I so willingly spew upon my friends and acquaintances. I taught myself to knit this year... sort of. And Obi came into my life, which was one of the highlights of my life so far. I've had man laughs, and I think they outweigh the tears for once. Not a day goes by that I don't fight back tears because I miss my grandfather so much. I miss my mom's family. I miss everyone that I'm not allowed to talk to or who have fallen away, but overall I'm doing well.

I've tried to balance my life and my mood, and when I think back to just a few years ago when I was suffering constantly and then making things worse on myself by dwelling on it, I smile. Maybe the lack of 'eventfulness' in this year is a mark that I stopped letting everything be such a big deal. There are so many highlights. I can count the lowlights on two hands... Maybe one if I would just shut up and start thinking like a grown person.

There is more I would like to say about it, and there are many more past blogs, peppered throughout cyberland that I would like to share, but that is for another day.

I hope everyone had a great New Years. I'm leaving out more than a lot... but that's okay. Yep.

Have a fantastic night, children. =D

Bloggalicious in the New Year!

Okay. I officially feel completely disorganized across the internet.
Earlier in the year I began to participate in a blog that was basically a group of women who each posted one picture a day for 365 days. It was fun and very interesting, but life got crazy and I got lazy and I stopped uploading my pics. NOW I am really regretting it because SO MUCH has happened in the past year. Every year (typically on New Year's Eve) I recap the entire year in a blog entry. However, after switching from xanga to diary-x, diary-x stopped being a diary and all my blogs were lost. So I switched to blogger and/or wordpress. I haven't really kept up with a blog consistently since then. SO, I've decided to challenge myself to post a picture every day in 2010.
My first order of business is to decide whether I want to continue blogging on Blogger but I really like the way tumblr looks. However, I know how to navigate Blogger (I have my music playlist, I have my links, I can easily change my header, etc.) PLUS it's google powered and I can interact with other Blogger users more easily, and my photos are already saved in Picasa. Then there's the choice of keeping this blog or starting another under my username for 2009 since I don't like the blog name I have write now.

I'm actually going to try to get involved in some online communities in the next year, so that I can better exchange stories, ideas, experiences, etc with fellow bloggers...

Really that's all. Feedback is welcome. Also, I've been meaning to make my Blogger not look like it sucks... but you know... I'm lazy. I will make a new header soon. I need a new name for my blog. My url looks stupid even as I go to my blog just to listen to music. Yep.

Hold On To Your Hats, Folks!

Really? Need I say ANYTHING?
If you didn't laugh, then... Well, I don't know.

Nerd Alert!

First day of school today, and I'm really excited about English 413! Most of the people in there have taken Theory and Crit, so we can reference back to that stuff in class discussion. Plus, I'm a huge Lowe fan! I printed out my course documents for English 434 for tomorrow, and I think I'm really going to like Martin. He seems really funny, and he SEEMS to be a big fan of close-reading. I'm a sucker for a good analytical paper and close-reading... Plus, it's more of my genre... Also my History class is tomorrow - Boo! Also, my French class doesn't begin until Monday, but I still have to do assignments for Monday. Yep. BUT I love the cold weather and the Christmas cheer and new notebooks! (Let's see if this holds out til March!)

Mele Kalikimaka

I know, my boyfriend and my best friend think I'm jumping into the Christmas spirit toooo early, but hey... My blog header and playlist aren't Christmas themed yet.... That's a big deal!!!
I did decorate the house a little bit... Wanna see? Wanna see?
Well first, here is my most favorite Christmas song of allll time =)





Love it, Love it, Love it.

Now:

Obi in his xmas necklace (and an lsu sweatshirt)

I MADE this wreath. hehe.

Our biggest tree (we haven't put up the middle-sized one yet)

Fiber Optic tree.... Missin my papaw =(

I decorated our table too, but I don't have the pics on my comp yet... .beee patient!

Update: I made Royal Icing Cookies!! Candy canes and stockings! Pics on facebook, but the kitties got on the counter and knocked them down, where the doggies proceeded to gobble them up. Booo.

Get Smooth Away!!

For your viewing pleasure:



Because I knew this was a product I HAD to have, I went to the website. The first thing I saw...

Welllll, of course!!! You can lure Americans in with promises of being like a European anyday! Works on me!!

Wellll, I've decided to mosey on through the world wide web after visiting this amazing website when...

umm... "OK"....

DECISIONS! DECISIONS!

But I chose "OK" anyway (The second time, when I realized "Cancel" trapped me in that website!)

Whew. Well, that's my adventure for the day!!

Happy Thanksgiving.

This was my second thanksgiving without my papaw and I miss him severely. Wishing I were decorating with him today. Having a hard time being broke because I want to buy all kinds of Christmas decorations and Christmas gifts. BUT, in honor of Thanksgiving, I want to name some things I am thankful for:

• Having the best Dad in the whole wide world. 
• Having a great relationship with my parents 
• My sweet puppy, Obi
• My sweet kitty, Floyd
• The baby kitty, Picard.
• Making Dean's list this quarter
• Having amazing friends.
• My stepmom's recovery!!!!
• A job that I like
• PATIENCE
• Macbooks and iPhones and straighteners and all the little things

=) On another note, we can't figure out how to get our fake tree to stay up. That's LAME. 

Happy Thanksgiving you guys.

Whew.

It's break time!

Let me re-cap last week (or the important parts of last week)....
First of all, Monday night I was so sick it was ridiculous. I am examining that last entry and I can't for the life of me remember when I wrote it. I mean, it says Tuesday a.m... which may be true... Here's what happened: I worked on that critical paper a little and I made notecards for the Final that was on Wednesday. I went to class at noon and I was so tired from getting hardly any sleep on Monday night that I ended up taking a nap. About an hour and a half of nap-time in, I decided to get to work. I guess it suddenly hit me how much preparation I had left for the Final exam. So I started studying hardcore. I had two essays to write and I was really struggling with inspiration for them... so I studied at Tolliver then went home and then went back to Tolliver around 8, and then I went home and studied a little more and then met Luke up at Crescent City around 1 or so (it was open 24/7 for Finals week) ... and we left there at like 9. I was barely awake, I had really been fighting sleep all night. Got to school for the speech and this one guy in our speech told us he had no idea he was going first and Nicholas and I got so frustrated. Our group hadn't put forth initiative all week, but this kid took the prize. He had emailed me confirming he'd be at our meeting on Saturday at noon, then answered the phone after being asleep at 1 to say he could drive from monroe if we needed him, so that's how sharp his crayons were. Our speech wasn't great, but I was just worried about that final. After I was done with the final I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I came home, showered, and immediately went back to Crescent City where I literally stayed until 9 the next morning. Juliet and Ashlee studied with me (other English majors), and Nicholas came by for a little bit. We were all freaking out trying to finish the paper. I got it finished, went to campus and proofread and turned it in before I had to go do a short presentation in GST. I had been hallucinating all night long, and I hadn't eaten since Monday. I was SO.TIRED. I kept "realizing" where I was and I kept having trouble focusing on thoughts. Kamel Reds were by BFFs during that bender. whew. The worst part came Thursday night. I still had three essays to write and submit by midnight as part of my GST final exam. But, at 4 a.m. I woke up asleep on the couch, cuddling my laptop, with only one written. Crap. Turnitin.com was closed to any more submissions. Sooo, i wrote really quickly and submitted it to her via email. It SUCKED, but now I'm mostly nervous because I made an A on the midterm and an A on the paper... if I don't get an A in the class it will have been because of those three essays that I could have easily aced had I written them earlier, or had I gotten some sleep.
I'll have my grades tomorrow, and I'm so nervous.
this was the hardest quarter I've ever had... so I'm really glad it's over. I was really submerged in school work all quarter, only time will tell if it paid off.

For now, I have a wicked toothache so I'm going to sleep.
Decorating for Christmas this week! Yahooo!!

Finals.

Do I look sick here? It's because I AM! My nose is so raw it hurts to press a tissue under it.My lips are bright red and cracked and I cough everytime I breathe through my mouth, which sucks because I can't breathe through my nose. I hope this is just a cold, like Heath had last week. I'm taking antibiotics for good measure and drinking lots of tea. I just finished my speech, sorta. I am meeting with at least one member of my group this afternoon to talk about how our speeches are going to mesh together. Did I mention our group sucks? Nicholas and I can't get the other three people to cooperate at ALL and it is really frustrating. I have written three pages of my critical analysis. Basically, talked about New Historicism and touched on one piece from Feminist. Still have to cite examples from the anthology as explanations of the schools themselves, and I need an introductory paragraph, which I will do last, and which will be a page long if I want to make Dr. Lowe happy. Then, tonight, I am going to study for that beast of a final. whew. We'll see. The three essay question final for GST is due at midnight Thursday and my analysis is due at noon on Thursday. And my self-review for speech isn't due until 5 on Thursday... so I'm going to focus on this midterm and this speech for now. Try to knock out things as they come to me. haha. Presentation for GSTs are today and thursday, maybe the green snot and my greasy hair will help me get out of that. Doubt it. Ha.

whew, it needs to be friday already (and hopefully I'll feel better by then!)

On another note, it is super cold and dry and overcast (well it was yesterday, at least) and it reminded me of Alaska... and being super sick just fell into place. The only thing that was missing was bleeding windburn on my hands. Hahaha.

I took my Psych final and turned in my final assignment in that class yesterday. I think I did okay. My nose was running so I finished the exam in like 15 minutes tops... but who knows. That's either really bad or really good... Only time will tell!

Winter 2010

Oh, and I'm registered for next quarter!
French 101
English 434: AMER LIT: BEGINNINGS TO 1865
English 413: THE ROMANTIC PERIOD
AND either an 8a.m. biology, and 8a.m. appreciation class or an online history. GROSS on all three counts. I guess I could beast Advanced Grammar but I don't know that I want to take three englishes in one quarter. =P

Ta-Da!

I am completely overwhelmed. I don't know why. I'm going to finish everything that I need to finish in a timely manner, just as I always do. I just finished my Gender Studies Media Analysis. Now on the agenda:
Write a critical analysis for Literary Theory&Criticism, due Thursday.
Study critical terms and prepare critical essays for Theory and Crit final (Wed).
Write 2 page essay for Psych, due Monday.
Prepare for final exam in Psych (Mon).
Prepare for Gender Studies Media Analysis presentation (Tues&Thurs).
Prepare 3 essays for GST final (Thurs).
Meet with group for final speech (Mon&Wed).
Prepare my portion of the 20 minute speech (Mon&Wed).
Prepare for Speech final (Tomorrow, Friday).

whew.
-BUT-
at least I've finished my media analysis and only have left to submit it to turn-it-in (will do after class today, just in case she spits something I need to know for my paper at us =P)
Did I mention she wanted us to use the Chicago Style Manual and I freaked? Finally she said we could use whatever. Thank goodness, I don't want to learn a new style manual!


Anyway, attached is what I've got. It's not perfect, but I think it will suffice. See ya!


This media analysis will be on the new “you” Campaign that was launched by HTC . HTC is a Smartphone company, and the “you” campaign is an attempt to appeal to a broad audience and a wide variety of emotions. The ads are designed to be relatable, describing a multitude of scenarios with which people may identify. The focus of this media analysis will be on one particular television commercial. This ad features multiple people in multiple situations, many of which reinforce gender stereotypes. This analysis will further explore some of those situations. The ad begins by showing a man while the voiceover says, “You are trying to forget about work,” and continues to another man, while the audience hears, “while you are working late again.” The next sequence shows a woman, with the voiceover saying, “and you miss your kids,” while a clip of a man in a cab in the city says, “and you miss the waves.” As the commercial continues, a group of young men is shown, and the voiceover says, “and you need to laugh,” followed by a close-up of a young woman wiping tears from her eyes as the announcer says, “and you need to cry.” While several individuals are featured in this commercial, the analysis will cover the aforementioned scenes, which are examples of the most extreme gender stereotyping in the commercial. The HTC You campaign is attempting to appeal to human emotion and experience in attempt to sell their product, specifically playing to gender stereotypes in many of their examples. These six examples are not only strong reinforcers of gender stereotypes, but the first and most impressionable in the advertisement. These examples reinforce long-standing stereotypes such as an emotional, domesticated woman and a “breadwinning” man, demonstrating the separation of spheres.
The first two examples in the commercial, two men shown sequentially under the voiceover, “you are trying to forget about work, and you are working late again,” is a perfect example of the male “breadwinner” ideology. The ad mentions work two times, and instead of using one female example and one male example or even two female examples, two males are chosen. The first male is sitting in a stairwell and is wearing grey slacks and a button-up shirt. He’s a middle-aged Caucasian, and as he sits, he hangs up his phone. The second man shown is sitting behind a desk. He appears a younger than the first man, but is –again- a Caucasian male. He is wearing a watch and a button-up shirt. His office has a large glass window, and various papers, books, and a laptop are on his desk. As he sits leaned over his desk, he waves ‘good-night’ to the janitor who is taking out the trash from the office. The janitor is wearing a short-sleeve work uniform shirt and is a middle-aged African American with graying hair in his mustache and on his head. All three men in this sequence are shown in reference to their job. This reinforces the male “breadwinner” stereotype, because since the separation of the public and private spheres, men have been associated with the task of going into the “public sphere” and working to earn money to support his family while his wife stayed at home and took care of the family. Research supports the fact that men still dominate the work force, which is probably why this campaign chose to use males as the representatives of working adults. In “Blame It on Feminism,” written by Susan Faludi in 1991, she points out inequality that has persisted in the workforce. At the time, as Faludi points out, women “represent two-thirds of all poor adults,” that “75 percent of full-time working women make less then $20,000 a year, nearly double the male rate,” women are “far more likely than men to live in poor housing and receive no health insurance,” “twice as likely to draw no pension,” and “face one of the worst gender based pay gap[s] in the developed world” (Faludi 3-4). She points out that “the U.S. government still has no family-leave and child care programs and more than 99 percent of American private employers don’t offer child care either” (Faludi 3-4). Furthermore, women in the workplace are mostly in jobs that have always been stereotypically feminine jobs. Faludi points out that “nearly 80 percent of working women [are] still stuck in traditional ‘female’ jobs as secretaries, administrative ‘support’ workers and salesclerks” (Faludi 3-4). If most women aren’t working in typically ‘demanding’ white-collar jobs, why use them in an ad portraying seemingly stressed-out white-collar employees? Marketers are trying to create characters their consumers can relate to, and since most people in the situation being portrayed are male, certainly they will use a male actor. Only to further suggest that using a male as the relatable character to be portrayed as a middle-class working man wracked with responsibility is the notion that over half of men and women still maintain a male breadwinner ideology. A poll revealed by Time Magazine in October of 2009 shows that “Fifty-seven percent of men and 51% of women agree that it is better for a family if the father works outside the home and the mother takes care of the children” (“…And Yet, People Hold On to Traditional Visions for Family Life” 1).
The next two portrayals to be analyzed are of a man and a woman, respectively. The first is the woman, on the phone with a voiceover saying “you miss your kids;” then a man is shown riding in a cab, presumably taking pictures with his phone of the rainy city through the cab window, as the voiceover says, “you miss the waves.” The woman is relatively young, Caucasian, and standing alone against a building in the daytime, as people walk on the sidewalk behind her. The man is riding in the cab at night and has on a suit and tie. It is unclear why the woman is not with her children; she is wearing a button up shirt and a tan jacket, but is only shown from the bust up. It seems that the man is probably on a business trip because he is shown as a passenger and he is dressed nicely. The interesting fact here (besides the fact that, again, the audience is being shown a white-collar, nicely dressed, Caucasian male) is the fact that the woman misses her children and he misses “the waves”. This is clearly reinforcing the fact that women are the more “domestic” of the two sexes and is most frequently responsible for the family unit, while the man has a more carefree lifestyle outside of work, missing only his favorite recreational activity, which can be assumed as surfing (if not surfing, certainly something involving the beach). Again, the marketers are trying to appeal to people and the emotions they experience (along with their cell phones). This is another example of public sphere/private sphere. Even though the woman is in public, she is thinking about and presumably talking to her children. Women being refined to the private sphere, historically, had plenty to do with their responsibilities to their families as mothers. The man is clearly doing something job-related, which plays into his role in the public sphere, and the fact that he is missing a recreation and not a family or loved one indicates that he is single. Women are so often defined in relation to men, and a good example of this is in the Feminine Mystique, when Betty Friedan says, “the problem is always being the children’s mommy, or the minister’s wife and never being myself” (Freidan 8). Friedan quotes “a psychiatrist at the Margaret Sanger marriage counseling clinic,” who says “ ‘we have made women a sex attire… She has no identity except as a wife and mother’ ” (Freidan 9). In the intro to her novel The Second Sex, , Simone de Beauvoir points this out, “man defines woman not in herself but as relative to him; she is not regarded as an autonomous being” (de Beauvoir 1). At the beginning of her intro, de Beauvoir says, “But first we must ask: what is a woman? ‘Tota mulier in utero’, says one, ‘woman is a womb’ ”(de Beauvoir 1). She says that man “respects woman as wife and mother”(de Beauvoir 9). Perhaps, then, this is why the woman being shown in the commercial is a mother and is being defined as such? Interestingly, in Feminine Mystique, Betty Friedan talks about the responsibilities of housewives and how “at the end of the day, she is so terribly tired that sometimes her husband has to take over and put the children to bed ” (Freidan 10); could this be the reason the gentleman in the commercial has time to surf and the woman is preoccupied with her children?
The next sequence reinforcing gender stereotypes within the commercial begins with a group of young men and the voiceover saying, “you need to laugh,” and the cutting to a close-up of a girl wiping tears from her eyes while the voiceover continues with, “and you need to cry.” The young men are outdoors and dressed in jeans and casual tops; they are very animated with their laughter. The audience doesn’t see much detail about the girl; she is on the phone and crying, that is all shown. This very clearly plays into the stereotype that men are carefree and women are emotional (a weaker sex In “No Way My Boys Are Going To Be Like That!” by Emily W. Kane, she “[explores] how parents respond to gender nonconformity among preschool-aged children” (Kane 173). She talks about the discouragement of emotional behavior in boys from an early age, saying “along with material markers of femininity, many parents expressed concern about excessive emotionality (especially frequent crying) and passivity in their sons.” In fact, fathers of little boys who cried used phrases such as “ ‘crying like a sissy’, ‘you are such a little wean’, ‘crying like a girl’, and ‘cry like a baby’ ”(Kane 176). All of these phrases either demean the little boys for crying or gender the act of crying. Phrases such as “ ‘crying like a girl’ “ are common, and make it clear that many fathers do not find crying an acceptable behavior for their little boys (Kane 176). If emotional boys are handled disdainfully in general, then why would the marketers of HTC want to portray that in their ad, risking the disdain of consumers? It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to show emotion. “Tracing Gender’s Mark on Bodies, Sexualities, and Emotions” points out that “girls and women are encouraged to be ‘soft’; that is, emotionally in touch, vulnerable, and expressive” (“Tracing Gender’s Mark on Bodies, Sexualities, and Emotions” 281). Western women have been gendered to act this way in general. The sequence shows two opposite emotions being displayed by people. The laughter of the group of men may not be a particularly masculine display, but certainly the other way around would not have been acceptable. Of course, it seems that the masculine form of something is the neutral form unless otherwise specified. In The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir says “I wish to define myself, I must first of all say: ‘I am a woman’… A man never begins by presenting himself as an individual of a certain sex; it goes without saying that he is a man” (de Beauvoir 2) This is important because the laughter could be seen as gender neutral, but as de Beauvoir points out, gender neutrality is masculine by default (de Beauvoir 2). The girl, on the other hand, is performing a specifically feminine emotion by crying.
While this particular commercial is full of examples that were not discussed in this analysis, those that were, were the strongest examples of gender stereotype reinforcement in the ad. Other examples, such as a lady pacing in a window while she worries over a mysterious male figure and girls giggling in a circle are also gender stereotype reinforcements, while others are gender neutral. Obviously, advertisements are geared toward audiences for a reason. The gender stereotypes played into in the scenes described in this analysis were chosen for a reason, meaning not only the marketers buy into these stereotypes, but their target audience does as well. While women are clearly no longer in the private sphere completely, they are still more closely associated with their families while men are more closely associated with working and earning money.

Works Cited
“...And Yet, People Hold On to Traditional Visions for Family Life.” Time.com. Time. 14 Oct. 2009. Web. 7 Nov. 2009.

de Beauvoir, Simone. “Introduction: Woman as Other.” The Second Sex.
Faludi, Susan. “Blame It on Feminism.” Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women.

Friedan, Betty. “The Problem that Has No Name.” The Feminine Mystique.
Kane, Emily W. “ ‘No Way My Boys Are Going to Like That!’ Parents’ Responses to Children’s Gender Nonconformity.” The Kaleidoscope of Gender. 173-80.

“Tracing Gender’s Mark on Bodies, Sexualities, and Emotions.” The Kaleidoscope of Gender. 277-82.

=P

This is my favorite commercial right now:

It's fall. I should be making royal icing sugar cookies with my BFF.
Even in the midst of this glorious football season, I thought it was worth making a point...
And even though she won't read this (she's probably searching through classifieds or playing flash games) I love you, Jessiepoo!

 

My friends make me LOL

This is all today:

-Via Text-
Me: Fo ago
Me: sho*
Taylor: Ha. You are so white your text didn't even send it right.

*After posting a farmville notification for a found kitten on my facebook profile, a comment*
Mike: megan it is one thing to share with the facebook community your fictional farming prowess, but now you have taken to adopted fictional animals.... when will this end?

-Via Text-
Me: I'm off today. I microwave an empty plate for a minute before I realize the corn dog was sitting on top of the microwave.
Taylor: Wow. I just laughed out loud for like twenty minutes.

Halloweenie!!

Had a great Halloween weekend with my crew! Went to the Sigma Pi Halloween Party on Friday night and the Sundown Halloween party on Saturday. Casey and I worked all week on our costumes for Saturday night. But first Friday: (oh, I guess I should mention that since we were going as AWESOME on Saturday we decided to be a little provocative with our attire for Friday's party. Casey is well endowed. Legs are all I have even remotely going for me, so I was a flasher. She's a witch. If you couldn't tell then you suck.)

Me and Casey, of course.

typical Casey, Kevin, and Megan.

I was showing a LOT of leg.

Case and Kevin.

Us, again.

And Saturday... we  went as a group costume... LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE!!! Casey and I were Blue Barracudas, and Kevin was a temple guard. We spray painted the helmets ourselves, made the shirts by cutting out blown up pictures of original shirts and using iron on adhesive to apply. We cut off dress slacks to make khaki shorts, made the pendants of life ourselves and even found ballin mouth guards.

We basically couldn't stop laughing the entire time. Kevin looked ridiculous, and we sounded stupid with our mouthguards in. Not to mention, we were wearing helmets.

My personal favorite.

 

There are a few more.. but not enough. We made it to the top 10 at Sundown and then bombed out after that. So many people didn't get it and I was totally disappointed. Whatever. I love 90's Television. I don't care what you think.

=P

Commercials and After-School Specials: Let the lameness begin!

Can I just say something? (It's my blog... so I don't care what your answer is). I have a serious problem when it comes to commercials and the kids in them who essentially act like heathens.
Seriously? Watch the commercial below, who raises their kids to act like this?! If my son brought home kids who acted like this I would seriously be pissed and the last thing I would do is serve them my frozen goodies; I have better ways to spend my five dollars and it is NOT on kids who act like they were raised in a barn! And what's worse is when the kid DOES offer his bratty friends snacks from his parent's kitchen, they turn up there noses and refuse! Wow!








And while I'm on it, this commercial is annoying as well. At :27, this kid just gets up and leaves his oreo AND a full glass of milk on the CARPET???! Umm no. That kid would be turning right around and picking up that milk before he's on the floor with Resolve. This just isn't realistic. For one thing, he really should be at a table when engaging in an activity that could result in brown crumbs and milk in the carpet. MILK. Am I the only one who knows how bad milk smells after a few days. His mom would be doing some SERIOUS scrubbing to get that smell out. And the carpet is white! You can't eat an oreo without dropping those things EVERYWHERE... so on WHITE carpet? Nope. I don't buy it... for second.







There are many more, namely the kids who run around the house knocking things over and drawing on everything. I suppose these commercials may make parents think "Thank God my child isn't a heathen like THAT! If this product worked for their animal-child, surely it will work with my normal one!" Still doesn't make me just want to put these kids in a really long time-out.









On another note, I was having a conversation with my ole buddy Lucas and we started to reminisce on special episodes of our FAVORITE tv shows. Hahahaha.
Anyway, for a good laugh:





In the clip below, it starts getting good at 6:23, but if you don't have 5 minutes to watch DJ Tanner drama, you can skip on ahead to 9:00, where the Danny Tanner goodness is at a prime. Now, I know eating disorders are no laughing matter... But when portrayed on Full House, I have to say that they are. The last two lines are golden. I hope you enjoy: