Resentment.

I don't update this thing enough. Some events took place today that genuinely made me think about relationships between people. Too many people harbor bitterness and resentment for no real reason. I'm not saying that I haven't felt my fair share of anger or resentment toward people for actions that I felt were unreasonable. As a matter of fact, the only disagreements I can think of that I have had between other people were over things that *I* felt were unreasonable. But to me, being in accordance with one another should be so fluvial. I don't feel like anything should be more than easy, and if it is I think it is usually our own faults. I think everyone has something to learn from each other. And, obviously, everyone has something to teach. Maybe we've been conditioned to see the worst in others instead of the best. But I just think that there is too much good in the world to focus on the bad. That's not to say that we shouldn't be doing everything in our power to make this world a better place, but isn't a great start finding the good and the happy and the way we think things should be??? Shouldn't we start with ourselves? We need to learn to step outside of ourselves and seize all that is to be seized. Even if it just flying a kite or taking a hike. I can't change the way other people think or the things they do. Focusing on all the things that make me sad about other people is really just detrimental to my own mental well-being. Instead, I should work harder to please the people in my life and let them know how special they are to me. I've learned that friends are not always as genuine as we hope that they will be. It's terribly sad for me to think about that. But in the end, what others do and say and think and feel is just that. Those things are for them to deal with, wearing someone else's negativity on my sleeve will only bring me down. It's why I choose not to resent other people. And at this moment in my life, I can truly say that I don't really resent anybody. The people that I probably "should" resent, I only feel sadness and hope toward. Feeling negatively toward other people would only hurt me, not them - so why torture myself. I have to go to bed with myself at night. If I can't be at peace with who I am, then how am I supposed to be at peace with anything else. I want things to seem crystal clear, not obstructed by things that aren't doing anybody any good?
I'm not writing all this to come off as a hypocrit. They're just thoughts that have been looming int his head of mine. I saw some people make peace tonight and it made me very happy, because I think (while life is technically the longest thing that you will ever experience) it is still too short to harbor resentment and hate. In a perfect world, everyone would be honest and helpful and happy. But then again, I suppose diversity makes things a little more interesting =P
I'm thrilled to have great friends that I know will be there when I'm in need. I have an incredible boyfriend. I have a fabulous family. Lately, I've been counting my blessings instead of my curses, and it sure is nice to move around in my own skin without fear or worry. I can only hope that things continue down this path. I meet great people, daily; every single day, I learn something about myself, which makes me very happy. There are things I am working on, things I am trying to improve. I have started going and doing more, I have become more sedentary than I care to admit, but I really feel like I've mad great progress in improving the things that I publically (and many more which are for me to work out privately) have set out to improve.
I desperately miss the over-abundance of wildlife and the mountains and the mountain air and hiking/backpacking in the tundra. I miss everything about Alaska. And I am more than grateful for the things that I learned while there. I learned an entirely new level of appreciation and love for nature. But complaining about where I am and what I am doing is only wasting time I could be spending enjoying the things that I so often overlook here at home.

Enough of my random thoughts. I hope everyone (or anyone) who reads this makes (at least a mental) checklist of the things that are great in their lives... sometimes it is really really hard to see them, I know that far far too well. But no matter how horrible things seems there is always something to happy about, whether it is the warm sunshine or a soothing rainstorm.

What an aimless rant.

Enjoy the night <3