Nightmares

So, since I've been up today, all I can think about is this horrific nightmare I had last night. When I awoke, I recounted the details to my boyfriend and had already lost a lot of them. But, I do want to blog about the bulk of it, what I do remember. I know nobody wants to read a dream and that is okay, I'm doing it mostly for me. I just have to write this down. It's bizarre. I don't remember ever feeling pain in a dream before, and definitely not an excruciating pain. I think that is why it strikes me as so odd. I remember being with someone that was sick, it was someone I loved dearly, though I don't recollect it being a familiar face. The person was a close friend or a relative in my dream, though not representative in physical likeness of anyone I know as far as I can tell. I had a heart attack. I don't know how I knew it was a heart attack in my dream, but in my dream it was and I knew it. However, looking back through the lenses of reality, it wasn't very much like what I understand a heart attack to be, but I digress. My chest hurt. Badly. I couldn't breathe and it felt like somebody had knocked the breath out of me and like my chest was going to explode simultaneously. Everything immediately started to waver in a pain-induced dream-like fashion and we called for help (whoever 'we' were, because it seems as though there were more than just this loved one). I staggered out of this room (which seems to have been a shop of sorts, I remember plants being there but who knows) and there was a staircase that basically went up, had a platform of maybe 5 yards and descended again, but when we walked out of the room, shop etc it was no longer in the picture and we were toward the top of the stairs. The paramedics took forever. Literally, forever. I was in agony. Everything felt heavy and hurt. Now is where I can't find all the pieces for a second. I had what seemed to be an out of body experience where I was watching myself (though it wasn't me I was watching) and a man said he was going to open me up and prepare me for surgery so a. I would be more serious and the ambulance would hurry and b. I'd be ready for surgery, and if the paramedics absolutely had to operate, they wouldn't have to waste any more time. I don't remember pain from that period, because I was watching, but the next thing I know - when I was in my own body - having a towel of sorts wrapped around my waist. I looked down and saw no blood or no gaping holes in my chest. Then, a guy who was there who was presumably a friend pointed out a gigantic puddle of deep red blood beneath me. He unwrapped the towel and there was a v-shaped surgically deep cut in my left thigh. Apparently this was where they would go in to do the surgery (who knew!? lol). The paramedics still hadn't come so I either climbed the stairs or had already made it to the top, I don't remember. But they came with a stretcher used strictly for people on stairs and when they got to the top they realized they had to go back and get another stretcher. So they left. After waiting for a long, long time and growing out of breath, we began to descend the stairs. My leg had a stabbing burning pain in it and i was hunched over because I couldn't catch my breath. The ill person who was with me could either help me get to help but die in the process because it was too much for her, or stay and let me possibly die because apparently help wasn't coming back. She helped me down and we went to a restaurant that was nearby. Maybe we were in an airport. Anyway, I tried to ask people if they could help, but I couldn't talk. I was like dying Yoda, straining to get anything out. I asked whomever was with me to ask if there was a doctor there. Nobody. Then we asked if anyone had pain killers. In my dream I thought that'd be a bad idea since I would have surgery soon, but nobody had any to offer anyway. Then, we asked if there was a paramedic, and there was but I don't remember anything after that except I came to randomly my first day back to work where there was a welcome-home-we're-glad-you're-alive party. My loved one had died and I hadn't thought about it too much because crying made me physically hurt. The rest is less important. I came home and my room was gone and a bunch of friends were in from out of town and some of my other friends had joined a band where they dress like a cross between Devo and Skeeter from Doug and like Rolly Derber-ers. Weird. I was so damaged though, mentally and physically that I wasn't very into it.

Anyway, I left out a lot but my point is - I never feel pain in dreams and this was one of the worst pains I'd ever felt. WTF. Crazy.